Ok, I'm bad at this.

So.

What to write about...what has happened in the last 3 weeks since I have written? I'm sure so much.

Let's talk about Natalie moving to town.

I have such a good froomend (friend and roommate). I'm so happy that she lives with me! It has been so fun. We went to a lovely concert together; one that I wouldn't have gone to if it wasn't for her. Old Californio.

It was chaotic for her at first, because we didn't have her house intact. We tried, but failed. The washer needed to be rerouted and drained in the proper way. Chase got to a point where we couldn't DIY it anymore, so we had to call our plumber. Wouldn't you know it, he was out of town for 4 days! We had no laundry facilities. And Natalie, no sink.

But! Here is the best part. After the plumber came and re-routed the drain system, Natalie's sink needed to be hooked back up. I was so determined to do it all on my own. I went to the HD (Home Depot) and talked with the plumber Tim for a little while. He was so helpful! We think the cashier even had a little crush on him.

I can DIY it down, around, and all the way to China Town, but I have never learned about plumbing or electrical. One down! I did it. I got under the sink, and hooked up the new pipes. From the garbage disposal to the p-trap and back to the drain for the sink. It only took a couple of hours too. I felt so much pride. Natalie called it persistance! She made me feel good. I told her that the feeling of accomplishment that I get when I finish something new like that is worth it. We were pretty frustrated when trying to put the disposal back on, but then we decided together that the sense of accomplishment far overrides the frustration.

Something else happened during this plumbing endeavor. I had to scurry back to home depot for one piece of pipe I had forgotten (a connector called a nipple, I guess) I was so dirty from sitting on the concrete and underneath the grimy old pipes. I threw up my hair, put on my glasses, and ran out the door. Chase had just gotten home from snowboarding and was helping his friend Anthony change his oil. I don't remember what he was saying, but he stopped mid-sentence after I gave him a quick kiss, just to tell me I looked pretty. It felt so sincere! He tells me all of the time, but after a while, you get used to it, you know? I shouldn't. He is always being sincere. He isn't telling me just to tell me. He made that apparent, yet again. It made me so giddy.

On Friday night, Lacey and I took the clients at my work to Off the Cuff. They had so much fun! I was so stoked to share something with them that I love. It made me happy that they loved it too. They want to take their kids! Then, the next night they have interaction (game night, for all intents and purposes) and we played improv games. They had a blasty-blast and we laughed so hard.

I'm glad I have the talents that I do, even if so small.

Hooray!

I feel proud of myself today.

This morning, after I went to Bella and took photos of a screaming baby ( not that she was screaming in the photos, but just that I was awesome enough to capture the NOT screaming part ) and the mother complimented me and loved them so much, I went for a run.

I felt so good today! I ran TWO miles without stopping. I haven't done that since high school. I even pumped my fists when I finished, even though there wasn't even one other person on the track.

I feel good about running the 5K next Saturday. I know I can do it.

With all of the evil in the world, I hope God knows how happy and grateful I am for the life he has given me. I want Him to feel it. I know he does. He knows.

I want to help the people in the world. I need to go back to the Dominican Republic. Or maybe a new country this time. I need to help.

Today, I am proud of myself for accomplishing a goal.
I am proud of myself for building a life that I love. I couldn't ask for any more luck, or blessings, or sheer joy than I have been given. I am in love with life.

I wake up every day to a person that I love; someone I never tire of, after 4 1/2 years.

I accomplished work today. I helped the clients with thier recovery assignments. I read a story to them for relaxation that gives me cold chills (The Giving Tree, in case you haven't read it). I got to share some of myself with them. And I can only hope that it will better their lives. I try to give the best advice that I can.

If there was a light inside of me, it would be warm and radiating. It would be glowing red, and people would be blinded by my happiness light. Blinded yet drawn.

That is how I feel. I believe it to be true, pure joy.

You should read this.

Commitments.

I've made commitments that I am excited about! The one that I am the most excited about right now is singing more. I love it so much. Watching other people with beautiful voices sing on stage brings me to tears. I feel so much all at once! It makes me happy and jealous and I feel like I will burst. I'm going to do it more. Whether it be at open mic night or just with Chase and I. I love to do it.

Chase and I have decided to train for a 5K again. It's on March 17th, and this time we paid the entrance fee and everything! So there is no backing out this time. I very much despise running, so therefore I am making it a challenge for myself. We tried to do this last summer, but we petered out around the middle part. Well, we're not the type who waste money. So we're doing it! I'm keeping up well with the training. And Chase is so fast! He can run about a 7 min mile. So we won't actually be able to run together. But we both want to accomplish it. It's good for the heart.

I am loving reading more, also. Right now I am reading The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime. It's very interesting. It's written from a first-person view of a mentally challenged boy. I love the style. I haven't been able to read fiction since I have been in school. It's so lovely and refreshing. I want to always be reading. I am still learning, as long as I am reading. It's like exercise for my brain.

I am committed to yoga. I have been doing this 3 times a week, and I am so proud of myself! I usually do it now before I go running. It's a good warm-up and it keeps me flexible, like when I was a dancer. Every time I do it, I get to put a dollar in my workout jar. I am saving up for some really cute shoes that I want. Maybe by the time I have saved up I will want an even greater reward. We shall see.

I am committed to eating in more, and to being a healthy person. Not to lose weight, but just to be healthy for being healthy's sake. If I trim up in the process, then so be it.

I made a New Years' Resolution for all of these things! The last one is that I made a commitment to dress up more. I like wearing high heels. Just because I live in Cedar City does not mean that I can't wear them around.

I'm really happy to say that I have kept up with all of these! With some waivering, I have done a better-than-average job at keeping my New Years' resolutions than I have done in the past.

I'm proud of myself.

Husband.

This is my handsome husband.

Successful.

Today I feel like talking about work.


I'm not sure what qualifies as work at my job. Sometimes I feel useless, just waiting to do something or making sure the clients know what they need to do. But since there is a certain unwritten rule about no-helping but yes-helping a client, I find it really difficult to draw that line.


I think I perform at my best when someone tells me exactly what to do. But that's what animals can do. Just take commands and then follow through with them until they get a reward. Right?



This job is a challenge. Growing up, I didn't make a lot of my own decisions. The classes I took at school, the dance lessons, school projects, (not that I didn't love any of those things) and then, when I mentioned that I liked human anatomy my junior year, it was determined that I would go to med school. Let's trudge into that later.



I don't recall being passionate about any of these decisions. I just remember thinking, "I need to do what I have to in order to get where I need to be." Where was that? I don't know. Successful, I suppose. This causes me to question what successful means.



Today, I feel successful. In a few different ways.

• I've found success in love. Which is something that I think a majority of people spend their entire lives doing. We don't have things and we aren't wealthy, but I am so completely taken with him every single day. My life is him. I am so happy with what I do have; our dogs. Intelligence. True joy! And luck. Or blessings. Chase doesn't have a brain tumor. His surgery didn't cripple or impair him in any way. Most days, we forget this. But we try to live in the moment, and be happy that we are so blessed and lucky. Chase has been reminding me with his new favorite phrase:

"We have such a great life, honey. I'm so happy."

I don't know anyone else who appreciates life as much as he does.

• I've found success in a job that I love, for the time being. I get to help and watch people, which is something that I have found that I need in my life. It's not just random people, like in a doctor's office, it's people that I get to know. I work at an addict recovery program ( I have also decided that I feel dirty when I say drug addict, because it sounds degrading and the people are so wonderful, they just have a disease) and I get to see the women come in, very downtrodden, and ofttimes leave much happier, ready to get their lives back on track. It is one of the most rewarding jobs I have ever had.

• I've also discovered that I am proud of myself for completing my degree. It is one that could get me a job anywhere in the country, and that I can apply to life daily. Success.

• Chase and I have enough money to get us to wherever we want to go. That is something I want to do in life. Be a traveler. I fully intend to do so. We go on a lot of vacations during the year! And we always come out of it on top. Success.

I might live in this tiny house all of my life, working jobs that I love but don't get paid much for.

If I get to do it with someone I love, traveling the world and always coming back to our little old house in Cedar City, Utah. Back to our dogs, and jobs, and mediocre life, then I would spend 100 life times doing it. There is plenty of money to be made. I don't intend on trading it for memories.

Success.

Take two.

I mean it this time. I need a photo/journal and I want to document my life. I don't have the memory for it, and no one else is going to do it for me. Unless maybe someday, someone wants to write a novel about my life, because maybe when I'm older I will have left a legacy. If even just for my peace of mind.

Maybe I'll write so I will know my thoughts when I'm old, and Chase and I will be forever happy in our alzheimer-y state.

Maybe I'll just write and write until I have no thoughts. That would be something!

In any case, I want to write about Chase and I and our dogs and mini-farm and beliefs and losses and triumphs and normalities. Days when all we do is love each other and I bake cupcakes and he throws pottery and we are enveloped in nothingness.This is what life means.

I'm ready to record and amplify.