Thursday, January 17, 2013


I've decided to say, "Live in the now!" in the voice of Garth from Wayne's World each day. Remember that I am afraid I won't remember my life? I think the best thing to do is live in the present. Maybe if I'm not so worried about what will come next, as most Americans are, I will remember more of my life. I want to remember the way I felt and things that I enjoy. I made a list of things that I like and I'm going to add to it this year. I'll let you know when I have an update.  So far, I have:

  • Blooper reels
  • Music that evokes emotions. Preferably with my big headphones on.
  • New sensations. I ate fresh anise for the first time and had a good experience.

I didn't make New Year's Resolutions. Not specific ones at least. I think I am setting myself up for failure when I do so. I always want to eat better and workout more. It's going to be a good year for me. I'm doing better health wise and waste wise and really loving my life. Things will come as they do and I can plan my future without forgetting about today. I know it's possible, and now I just have to wake up and remember it each day.

I can't believe it's 2013. I will have been out of high school for 7 years. I can't believe it. I'll be 25 this year. That's halfway to 30, and it scares me. I always tell myself I'll have kids when I'm 30(ish). It seems to be fast approaching now, and Chase is already turning 30 in April! I know we are still young, but I know that before we can blink we will be 60 and have grandchildren and be retiring from our hopeful careers.

Live in the now!

It's been a while.


I have a headache today.

And I think I know why.

First off, I'll briefly address that I haven't blogged in months. I guess I got busy with the holidays and lazy with my logging. I'll probably regret that later. I want to start again. Sometimes I have thoughts and I want to write the thoughts down. I also have been having weird dreams lately that I should log.  Two in particular. One where I was talking a new client, Kathy, into staying in treatment. I told her she would die if she left. She was blonde, and I wonder if this will come true. That will be strange. I'll let you know.
Another where I was on the top floor of a skyscraper drinking ( I have experienced neither of these things), blackout, and wake up with no memory of what happened. My old friend Jason was there, constantly giving me hugs, and we hopped tree branches together. I want to remember these things. I have reread dreams that I have had in the past months later, and not recalled this dream in the slightest. I''m mostly worried that I won't remember a lot of my life. I have such a terrible memory, and I am worried that the days go so quickly that before I know it, I will be old and not remember the little moments. So I will start blogging again.

I don't want to write about the holidays right now. At a later time.

My headache.

I am convinced it was because of what I ate today. Last week, I did a 2-day detox. I ate mostly green things, drank lemon water, and did restorative activities. Today, I ate toast and fresh eggs with some cheese, then had some brownies for lunch. Super smart, right? Well. I don't feel good. At all. I even took 2 IBU's for my headache and it didn't help. It always helps! That's my last resort.  It didn't work. I'm convinced that my body didn't like the chemicals and fake sugars and dairy so it gave me a headache. Foo.

I'm going to do better now.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

For Lacey.

This feels self-indulgent, but I am doing it anyway. It's good for you once in a while.

I am a singer.
I have rhythm.
I like my long hair.
I have my own style.
I'm a good wife.
I'm comfortable in my body.
I can fix plumbing.
I can lay tile.
I can lay a sprinkler system.
I can lay sod.
I can decorate.
I can paint a house.
I can lay flooring.
I'm good at photography.
I built a fence this summer.
I'm patient.
I'm tolerant.
I love.
I can cook.
I'm committed to my health.
I can cut hair.
I'm good with money.
I'm good at whistling. Real good!
I can play the guitar.
I'm good at painting my nails.
I grew a garden well.
I'm a good gift-giver.
I make good pancakes...from scratch.
I'm helpful.
I'm a good friend, most of the time.
I walk well in high heels.
I'm organized.
I'm clean.
I care about the clients.
I'm good with the clients, most times.
I have compassion for others.
My husband knows I love him.
I'm okay with my faults.
I'm responsible.
I can do any job I try my hand in (so far).
I stick with my convictions.
I'm cliché sometimes, and okay with it.
I appreciate the art in life
I support my husband in his art.
I feel gratitude.
I'm moral.
I'm honest.
I'm so, so very thankful. Every day.

That's enough, for now.

I feel better.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012



My loyalty has paid off. Literally!

I have been working for Bella by myself on and off since we started in April 2011.  We have been through 4 photographers in less than a year, and since the end of January of this year I have been the sole photographer for them at Valley View Medical.  The entire time, I have been hoping that, seeing my dedication, they would give me a promotion. And huzzah! It finally happened.

They have made me Area Coordinator for Southern Utah.

You guys. I get my own business cards! Which is, of course, one of the top highlights of the promotion. I've never had my own business cards.

Now, the feeling that I have is strange.

I feel as though I am wasting my education. I know that no knowledge is wasted knowledge, but according to every-educator/family-member-I've-ever-met,  my college degree is supposed to make me much more money than if I only had gotten a high school education.

Remember this?

Well, it isn't panning out for me that way.

Granted, I could move. I could move to a bigger city and probably find a job I would use my degree in. 9-5. Probably desk job-ey. But I'm almost positive I would hate that. No. I am. Positive. 

Right now, I get to work a few days a week at the HH. Just today, I felt like I made a difference in one woman's life. She made a difference in mine. I felt good.

I like doing this for now. It is a good job, and I'm proud to have the position I do. I have worked for it!

I love my life. I need to remember that. I really do love it. It's perfect. Besides my projects and my house and all that outside bullshit, I really do have a perfect life. I love my husband, and my dogs, and my roommate, and my friends, and my parents, and my siblings, and most people in general. 

This is a good step.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012



I kept wandering around my grandma/aunt cidy's house, but it didn't look like their houses. I had had a baby 2 months ago but Chase was taking care of him alone. I got in a fight with Chase about spraying too much Lysol in our baby's room. 

The baby had thick dark hair like Chase and he had a brain surgery scar from when he was born. I started crying because he was asking for his mom and he meant Shauna. I breast fed him and a lady told me it was his last time. 

Sarah Fieldstad was there and I asked her which baby was mine. She said 'beebee' and I was jealous of the time she was spending with her family and not projects. The chickens laid 2 mini eggs and 2 regular eggs upstairs. Chase and I weren't very excited about the baby.

Early Morning.

I need to wake up earlier. Always.

Some things I want to remember.

Lately, we’ve been working on our patio, and I just want to get it done! I’m tired of it being half. And the stones are heavy. And I don’t know if I am laying it correctly. And peaches are falling everywhere.

But oh, the peaches.

These are the best peaches you have ever had in your life. I guess you may not have had them, but if you were ever going to taste them, you would be glad. They are like candy, these! And with some sweet cream(er, because it’s non-dairy), they are irresistible. I’ve been giving them away because I cannot keep them all to myself. They are white peaches, and they are my favorite things I have ever tasted. And nature made them. And that’s strange.  And awesome.

I’m having a lot of fragmented thoughts today.

Speaking of nature…

Since eating like a veganarian (a new word we have come up with for my eating style, if I must) I have lost a total of 8 pounds. I am scared to put it out in the universe that I have lost weight, but I have. And it feels really good. And so do I! All of the time. And only when I eat something yucky for my body do I then feel yucky afterwards.  My body is trying to tell me something and I’m getting better at listening!

The weekend of my birthday there was the Perseid meteor shower. I wanted to watch it so badly! There were supposed to be over 100 meteors an hour on the night of the 12th. The Twelfth Night. But guess what? Stupid monsoon season in Cedar covered it up. There were too many clouds. We couldn’t see it.


But you know who wasn’t disappointing? Dad. He came through town and bought us lunch for my birthday. Cute and fun. We went to Winger’s and Scnoodle-poo-pumpkin served us. It was nice. I had ice cream pie-for-free birthday!