Sunday, September 2, 2012

For Lacey.

This feels self-indulgent, but I am doing it anyway. It's good for you once in a while.

I am a singer.
I have rhythm.
I like my long hair.
I have my own style.
I'm a good wife.
I'm comfortable in my body.
I can fix plumbing.
I can lay tile.
I can lay a sprinkler system.
I can lay sod.
I can decorate.
I can paint a house.
I can lay flooring.
I'm good at photography.
I built a fence this summer.
I'm patient.
I'm tolerant.
I love.
I can cook.
I'm committed to my health.
I can cut hair.
I'm good with money.
I'm good at whistling. Real good!
I can play the guitar.
I'm good at painting my nails.
I grew a garden well.
I'm a good gift-giver.
I make good pancakes...from scratch.
I'm helpful.
I'm a good friend, most of the time.
I walk well in high heels.
I'm organized.
I'm clean.
I care about the clients.
I'm good with the clients, most times.
I have compassion for others.
My husband knows I love him.
I'm okay with my faults.
I'm responsible.
I can do any job I try my hand in (so far).
I stick with my convictions.
I'm cliché sometimes, and okay with it.
I appreciate the art in life
I support my husband in his art.
I feel gratitude.
I'm moral.
I'm honest.
I'm so, so very thankful. Every day.

That's enough, for now.

I feel better.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012



My loyalty has paid off. Literally!

I have been working for Bella by myself on and off since we started in April 2011.  We have been through 4 photographers in less than a year, and since the end of January of this year I have been the sole photographer for them at Valley View Medical.  The entire time, I have been hoping that, seeing my dedication, they would give me a promotion. And huzzah! It finally happened.

They have made me Area Coordinator for Southern Utah.

You guys. I get my own business cards! Which is, of course, one of the top highlights of the promotion. I've never had my own business cards.

Now, the feeling that I have is strange.

I feel as though I am wasting my education. I know that no knowledge is wasted knowledge, but according to every-educator/family-member-I've-ever-met,  my college degree is supposed to make me much more money than if I only had gotten a high school education.

Remember this?

Well, it isn't panning out for me that way.

Granted, I could move. I could move to a bigger city and probably find a job I would use my degree in. 9-5. Probably desk job-ey. But I'm almost positive I would hate that. No. I am. Positive. 

Right now, I get to work a few days a week at the HH. Just today, I felt like I made a difference in one woman's life. She made a difference in mine. I felt good.

I like doing this for now. It is a good job, and I'm proud to have the position I do. I have worked for it!

I love my life. I need to remember that. I really do love it. It's perfect. Besides my projects and my house and all that outside bullshit, I really do have a perfect life. I love my husband, and my dogs, and my roommate, and my friends, and my parents, and my siblings, and most people in general. 

This is a good step.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012



I kept wandering around my grandma/aunt cidy's house, but it didn't look like their houses. I had had a baby 2 months ago but Chase was taking care of him alone. I got in a fight with Chase about spraying too much Lysol in our baby's room. 

The baby had thick dark hair like Chase and he had a brain surgery scar from when he was born. I started crying because he was asking for his mom and he meant Shauna. I breast fed him and a lady told me it was his last time. 

Sarah Fieldstad was there and I asked her which baby was mine. She said 'beebee' and I was jealous of the time she was spending with her family and not projects. The chickens laid 2 mini eggs and 2 regular eggs upstairs. Chase and I weren't very excited about the baby.

Early Morning.

I need to wake up earlier. Always.

Some things I want to remember.

Lately, we’ve been working on our patio, and I just want to get it done! I’m tired of it being half. And the stones are heavy. And I don’t know if I am laying it correctly. And peaches are falling everywhere.

But oh, the peaches.

These are the best peaches you have ever had in your life. I guess you may not have had them, but if you were ever going to taste them, you would be glad. They are like candy, these! And with some sweet cream(er, because it’s non-dairy), they are irresistible. I’ve been giving them away because I cannot keep them all to myself. They are white peaches, and they are my favorite things I have ever tasted. And nature made them. And that’s strange.  And awesome.

I’m having a lot of fragmented thoughts today.

Speaking of nature…

Since eating like a veganarian (a new word we have come up with for my eating style, if I must) I have lost a total of 8 pounds. I am scared to put it out in the universe that I have lost weight, but I have. And it feels really good. And so do I! All of the time. And only when I eat something yucky for my body do I then feel yucky afterwards.  My body is trying to tell me something and I’m getting better at listening!

The weekend of my birthday there was the Perseid meteor shower. I wanted to watch it so badly! There were supposed to be over 100 meteors an hour on the night of the 12th. The Twelfth Night. But guess what? Stupid monsoon season in Cedar covered it up. There were too many clouds. We couldn’t see it.


But you know who wasn’t disappointing? Dad. He came through town and bought us lunch for my birthday. Cute and fun. We went to Winger’s and Scnoodle-poo-pumpkin served us. It was nice. I had ice cream pie-for-free birthday!

Monday, August 20, 2012


It was my birthday on the 11th.

All in all, I decided that the whole day was about celebrating life. Even if celebrating it in very different ways.  Yes, my birthday was on Saturday, but that was also the day of friend and co-worker Tia's husband Tyler's funeral. 

I knew this was coming, so I prepared myself as best as I could. I woke up in the morning in good spirits. Off the Cuff had sang their birthday song to me the night before (that was my first time with that!) and a few friends and family wished it to me around midnight. As OTC was ending, our friends Andrew and Nina came to find everyone. It was their date night, and so they wanted to stay out as late as they could. We were just "shooting the poop" as Husband likes to call it. They invited us to go and eat, but we decided that since Denny's is the only place in Cedar open past 10 we didn't feel like ralphing the next day. Instead, we went to A&N's house. We talked and talked. I wish I could explain the kind of person Andrew is. And the person his wife is for knowing how to be married to Andrew. The following are stories that Andrew told us from about 1-4 am on my birthday:

  • He willingly drank IPECAC to find out what happens.
  • He and Sean sprayed each other in the face with mace.
  • He got hit by a car going ~ 30 mph
  • He wakes up his child and wife because he scream-vomits. More than average.

There were many-a-more. But those are most memorable. 

I like Andrew's stories.

The next morning, I woke up before Chase. I told him I wanted pancakes and he was so on it. I mean, on it. He made them from scratch! We used the apricot butter and jams I made and I had a delicious birthday breakfast.

Then Lacey came to pick me up.

I was dressed in my most modest but respectable clothes. We drove to the funeral together.  I haven't ever been to one of those kind of funerals. The kind that are devastating. The kind of a not-yet-middle-aged man; a wife and 3 children trying to welcome friends and family to the event.  The saddest kind.

We arrived, and waited in line to see Tia. My assumption (and hope) was that she had cried all of her tears. That maybe being surrounded by familiarity would give her the smallest bit of warmth in her chest, if even for an hour.  Unfortunately, I was wrong.  She was sobbing. So hard. Seeing her friends and family just made her more passionate. To me, she was overwhelmed. With sadness. With love. With support. What a confusing, enveloping, and crippling emotion that must be.  I wanted to help so badly. Still want. But there is nothing, less taking food over and asking how she is.

It was a catholic mass. I was so lost and so interested at the same time. I was as respectful as I knew how to be, and the only thing time I connected was when the entire room lit up with sounds of "How Great Thou Art."  It is my favorite worship song, and I am so glad they sang it at a funeral. It was absolutely beautiful and appropriate. I hope she felt my sadness and love for her as I sang. It was with my whole being. I wanted to radiate the energy directly at their family, for that is my worst fear. I wouldn't be me without my husband, and I wish I could heal the forever void she will now feel.

I know, one day she will feel okay. She will be forever changed, but she will be okay. She is one of the strongest women I have ever met. I admire every stitch of her. I just think of her and hope.

Of course, I didn't mention my birthday. Lacey and Chelsea and maybe Bethany knew.  It was such a strange feeling to have.

I didn't say goodbye to Tia. She was surrounded by love, and I didn't want to bother her. I just went home and told my husband how much he is me. And that I love him. I wish I had a different word than love. He is my best friend. I'm always thinking of him. He should know that.

Speaking of best friends.

I was sad that nothing was really happening after I got home. I wanted to do something! By this time, it was 4pm, and the day was coming to an end.  I whined that I wanted a pretzel. I wanted a soft pretzel and I wanted to go to the store. I grabbed my purse as Chase tried to stall me. "Let's go!" I said. Just as we walked out the door my Grandpa Bob and Grandma Nancy pulled up.  Oh good! I thought. They are here to see me on my birthday!

Next came my mom.

Uh-oh? I thought. Two visitors at once?  I guess I will be a good hostess!

TJ and Wendy? When did you get here? With chipsanddips! And presents.

Turns out, Chase was a sneaky party planner. He had soft pretzels in the freezer, a watermelon, and sody-pops. My mom had made me a pear pie with gruyere cheese crust (I demanded it after I saw it on Pushing Daisies), and an oh-so-famous apple pie.

I was happy then.

We bs'ed and then did gifts. Everyone was so thoughtful! Weejay gave me a veganarian cookbook with REAL recipes and REAL food in them. I loved it so much. (and some cute nail polishes too!) Mom brought me those pies and some money in a card. The cards were very sweet this year. I felt like everyone chose them so that they would fit me well. I should take photos of them. They really were lovely.  G&G gave me money too! I've since spent it on some cute wedges. I believe in spending birthday money on wants and not needs. Life is better that way.

Then came husband.

He wrapped me a big box. It was heavier than I thought! I opened the first box to find another wrapped box. Oh I see, a trickster. I'll see what's inside this one...

Another box!

This one definitely has something in it.

And that something is what I am typing on now.

I am so spoiled. Spoiled and loved and spoiled.

All in all, I love my family and friends. I had such a good time. Sore cheeks and good food and good stories. That's what life is, right?

What a day of life. One celebration of life in two different ways.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

(belated) whimsical wednesday.

(Disclaimer: these are typed exactly as they are written in my half-snoozy state.)

6/13 - hour long nap
I went to my training at HHW and it was this half finished house. I went in and Gene Simmons and (black Santana?) we're playing together later that night. The House was huge. There were a lot off people there that I thought were clients but they were people knew. Gradnpa bob was there drinking out of a big garorade thing with a bud light sticker on. Kevin C and Diana Rire almost hit me with a car while I was sitting in the curb. They had painted the house so it looked like there was a big performance area stage then actually it was small. Gene Simmons would do an acoustic set later. They were warming up and I ran to get my phone, then ran to get a hat (symbol) for black santana and missed a photo op. I ran passed two teenager boys sitting on the curb and heard them say I was small and they could take me. I had no makeup on and was embarrassed to seen people from high school. We took our extreme stadium seats and living ads started. They would light up a wall to my right and do living people commercials. There was one for orbit, then a green and orange one with Will Ferrell wearing a giant Afro under the spotlight. Then I woke up.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Wednesdays are Whimsical.

So, I believe that I have the strangest dreams. 

It truly fascinates me when my worlds blend together, because sometimes I can't tell if something has happened in a dream or in my lucid life. Granted, I am not inside anyone else's head, but I sometimes have dreams about things/events that would not happen in lucid life. Sometimes I dream things and then I see an omen the next day. I started keeping a dream journal and I think I want to share it with the blahging world. They really are interesting stories, if nothing else. My brain is crazy. I'll start from when I started keeping a journal. I haven't been very good recently, but I think if I know that I am going to officially stamp an official blogging world credit onto it, I will be better at keeping it. Often, I write these dreams down right after I wake up, so I am going to type them exactly as they are written, run-on sentences and all. The interpretation will precede a photo of the handwritten dream (when I hand wrote them). Bear with me.

January 21, 2012: a 15 minute nap.

I worked at some sort Of rental place next to some cubicles, and I was talking to Tilt. He said he liked my house and that the theme song should be 'this' and handed me his iPad with a giant play button. I pushed it and vintage music that I liked started coming out of a little cartoon photography. I turned down the volume just as some guy asked me how to work a computer program. I referred him to my neighbor cubicle (eddy, gaby's husband, I think). Eric came over and started asking to try my coffee. It was Kona coffee and really good but I reminded him he doesn't like coffee. Then the dream phone rang and I woke up.

One more, for now.
January  25, 2012

Chase splashed buckets of forest green on the outside of the house, and it fully changed colors, and I hated it.  

Carini? *
*All I remember next in that dream is preparing to travel to a place called Carini. I knew how to spell it and I thought it was a made up word. I googled it the next day. It is a beautiful little town about the size of Cedar City on the coast of the Province of Palermo, Sicily, Italy. Extremely specific.  I've never heard of it before. It translates in English to: nice, lovable, pretty, dinky, cute, decent, sweet.  

An omen?

Monday, August 6, 2012

I'm all for the weekend.

We had an awesome Off the Cuff weekend again. It was a double feature! On Saturday night, it was a benefit to raise money for Camp Kesem, a cancer society for children with various types of cancer. We raised $93! I hope it helps someone.

Then, on Sunday, Chase and I had a good day to ourselves. We woke up late, which I have a love/hate relationship with. I like doing it, but I also like having a whole day to do what I want. I made homemade honey-cinnamon oatmeal and cut us up some good fruit for brunch.  I like being a vegan. I always feel good after I eat. I feel satiated and healthy. And I have lots of energy throughout the rest of the day. Some days I eat cheese, and then I feel sick and remember that I shouldn't eat it. It helps me remember.  

After that, we laid around for a while, and then decided we wanted our carport clean, so we did that. I like lazy Sunday. On Sunday afternoons we've been going to an improv workshop put on by OTC. I am learning how to do improv! It's been fun. It makes me nervous, but it's fun enough that I am willing to trade embarrassment for learning. 

We play this game sometimes called Witness Protection Program. It's so long to explain but I'll try to summarize! It's sort of like fugitive, murder in the dark, and sardines all rolled into one. It's the best night game I've ever played! Our friend Melissa Singleton invented it, and you can check out the full website here, and purchase it too! I promise you'll love it. If you don't, I'll put your foot in my mouth. I'll explain one round...

Everyone pulls a card. I was the witness, so I get 2 minutes to go and hide. We use really large areas like the Randall Jones theater grounds, so it makes it harder. I ran, my heart pumping, to the opposite side where no one could see me. I looked around and found an old work truck and tried the door. Success! The door was unlocked. I crawled in and laid down on the floor of the truck. "I'm so not in a good spot," I thought to myself, "You shouldn't have worn a salmon-colored shirt to hide in the dark."  I just sat there, for a good 3 minutes, before someone walked past the door of the truck. They didn't see me. Phew!  I only needed 2 good guys to hide with me to win.  If I got killed by the murderer or one of their accomplices, we would lose! I stayed super quiet. NO ONE saw me. I thought I was in plain sight. Since the rounds are only 10 minutes long, I figure that at least 8 minutes have passed. So, I peek over the dashboard. Clear. I quietly open the door of the truck, and start to sneak away. My plan is to go out into the open and find 2 innocents to gather with me. But oh! Christian comes walking around the corner. I hide behind the truck, and make sure to stay opposite him. As soon as I get to the front of the truck, I take off! I ran as fast as I could to the other side of the theater. I know he has seen me, but I can't hear him chasing me, so I keep running faster. I push through a patch of trees into a group of people. They come running at me. "Whitney Whitney! We're police officers!"

We win. 

Really, you should try it. Really. 

After the game, we got a good night's sleep again. It was wonderful. We woke up, and after I spent the morning at Bella, finished cleaning up the carport again. I did some chores, played with the dogs, and got a little sleepy.

I decided to take a nap. I don't nap, so this was a deal. I laid down on the couch, in our dark theater room, and began to close my eyes. I started something I call lucid dreaming. I know I am still awake, but I start seeing things in my brain that don't make sense. Today it was my miniature-sized dad in a hula skirt, doing a dance. Sometimes it's marshmallow people. But always, I know I am half-awake. Then, such a loud crash of thunder! I didn't even know it was raining. My dogs hate the sound, so both of them scurried in and laid down at the foot of the couch. I comforted them as I drifted off to sleep and woke up around 5, listened to the rain, fell back asleep and woke up again an hour later. I love the sense of euphoria after a nap. I went outside and the sun was shining through a dark sky. I can't wait to feel that feeling again. Snoozy and euphoric and happy.

I love living. I love living my life.  

Friday, August 3, 2012

I might cry.

 Tiny at Grandpa's cabin.

Tiny baby brother on Christmas morning.

Tiny everyone on Christmas at Grandma's.

Tiny on Easter!

I wish we were this tiny again.


During the first weekend in July, Chase and I traveled to Oregon. Most of my family was already there, we just brought my brother and his friend Jeremy along with us. My dad works for the owner of NuSkin. She is very well off and owns about 3,000 acres in Promise, OR.  I don't think you can find it on a map, and if you can, you have to put in the GPS coordinates.  Anyway, we go there for the 4th of July celebration each year, and have a lot of fun! Some days it is extremely competitive and you kind of just have to deal with it, but we have fun each time. This year there was paintball, and I took 2nd in the shotgun shooting competition! The girl that beat me had never shot a gun before and, truthfully, that made me mad, but I won $50 anyway. I shot the most birds so at least I have that, right? Also, on the night of the talent show, Chase, Carson, and I did 2 improv scenes and they were a huge hit! Everyone loved them, and Sandie herself told us how much she loved it. That made me happy. It's really good to spend time with family and get away for a while.

Then, on the 14th of July we went to the Jamboree! It happens in Cedar every year. I always look forward to it because they line up classic cars all the way down main street! They have treats and coupons and fun. It was a lot of fun. We handed out coupons for OTC too! A lot of people have used them so far, and that makes us happy.

The whole month we have been mostly working on the yard, building fences and painting and cleaning up the carport. I just want it to be done already! I want to enjoy it. Almost there....

Also. Natalie got a puppy. His name is Beam.


On the 24th we had an OTC party at the space. It was so fun! You can watch the annual Australian Ninja Golf Tournament we had here... It's really funny. I promise.

Chase and I almost took it! But the Painrods were better. At least we won Peanuts tissues!

My daddy came through and had breakfast with Chase and I the other day. We didn't talk about anything important. But it was definitely a highlight for me. I love my daduh. He got really excited about playing at Pebble Beach in August. He might win a trip to South Africa! I hope that he does. It will be the highlight of his amateur career. It would top Pebble Beach, which is the winner right now.

He never lets me take photos of him! This is a good capture of his life. Happy in Hawaii.

On to August!

Wednesday, August 1, 2012


I'm going to stop apologizing every time I leave a huge gap in between posts because I think it will always be so.  So, I am unsorry. This is me!

I have had a pretty good summer so far. I can't believe its August! I want to do so many more things before it gets chilly out. I better get moving! We're almost done with the yard, which means we can enjoy the yard, instead of work on it. I'll like that. The patio is going to be the worst part. I'm not sure how I'm going to do it yet...

Chase went to LA during the first week in June with Off the Cuff. They played in the LA Improv Festival. It was a big deal! Some of the biggest names in Improv know OTC personally. They were honored to go and had a great time. I was so lonely without him! We decided that it was better for me to stay home, so Chase and I were apart for the first time in a very long time! We always go on vacation together, and so this was a new experience for me. I missed and appreciated him terribly.

I love my dad on Father's Day. He likes to make the day about family instead of about him. It was so good to see and spend time with him. I love my daddio.

Then, mid-June, I decided that I wanted a lawn in my backyard. Well, of course this turned into a much larger and much more expensive project than I had originally intended, as always.  My grandpa came up and helped us put in a sprinkler system, which was totally worth it, and after we finally got the lawn in after raking and shoveling and leveling and excavating, it looks amazing. I'm so happy with it. I love my house more and more each time I do another project. It will never be totally finished, it seems, but maybe someday. (Photos to follow).

Another rather large decision in my life is the one I made to become vegan. I read a book called The China Study, and then one called Eating Animals. I decided that it was something that I believed in and was much better for my health than any other diet. I know that most people think this is extreme. For me, I compare it to reading the bible. You can read it, understand it, and take it or leave it. It is just something I believe. And really, what are the cons? It makes me eat extremely healthy things, and I have not missed meat at all. Now, dairy is a different story. I have missed dairy. But, in adjusting to this lifestyle I have been deciding what I am okay with eating and what is not okay. I know other vegans would not say this is vegan, but it's my type of vegan. So if you want to call it something else then you can. I just say vegan, because it is the easiest explanation. My ways of 'cheating' are: 1) eating only my own pet chickens' eggs, and 2) eating goat cheese made by someone that I know personally (I only found out he made cheeses after I had known him for a period). I know his goats are free-roaming and well taken care of, and I know they are grass-fed and loved. I buy his cheese on Wednesday's at the farmer's market. It's delicious!

I guess you could say vegetarian if you wanted. But which way is easier? Saying vegan, or saying vegetarian and then refusing dairy and then explaining why? No one knows that I only eat my own eggs and cheese at my house, so I think vegan is easier. As long as I keep those things at < 5% of my diet, I believe it is okay. For both health and humane reasons.

I have found that people become extremely defensive when you tell them what you're eating. I don't go out of my way to do so, but it comes up sometimes. And people think you're judging them, I think.

I'm not judging you. Just try not to judge me back.

In any case, I feel amazing. I've lost over 5 lbs without trying very hard. My body has changed so much. I never feel bloated or sick. I haven't had heartburn in 6 weeks. That is so unusual for me! I always get heartburn. And I haven't had an upset stomach or headaches (well, if I wear my nerd teeth {or night guard, as it were} I don't get headaches; I grind my teeth at night) the whole time. It seems like it has been much longer than 6 weeks. I did eat ice cream once, and I got a bad belly ache. Chase reminds me of this each time I want his salted caramel ice cream instead of my soy or coconut milk ice cream. I miss it, but it's worth it to me to stay away. He is a good husband.

We'll see what happens when I go to Disneyland in Sept. and I am faced with a cream cheese pretzel; one of my most favorite things in the world. Maybe I'll be vegetarian for a day. Cheater.

Happy June!

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Zion (and other adventures).

Happy 45th Anniversary to my grandparents! They are such amazing people and they definitely deserved this trip.  My whole family went down to Zion for the party. My grandparents got everyone a room and my cute auntie filled each room with goody bags! It was so lovely.

 (Disclaimer! Credit is due to Mom and Brother - they took the photos.)

On our first day there we arrived around 4. Everyone was down at the little park area they had at the Cliffrose Lodge and had sandwiches (and other good things) waiting. We had dinner and then just hung out the rest of the evening, chatting and playing lots of games (i.e. Australian Ninja Golf, volleyball, and Frisbee).  We roasted marshmallows and had treats.

Vaughnie was not happy with the golf...

The next day we went on a hike to Emerald Pools. It was harder than I thought it would be! If you ever want to know how Chase escaped death on Angels' Landing, you should ask him. It's pretty gut-wrenching. The hike was beautiful and I helped little Zach catch tadpoles. I realized that it's a bit difficult to enjoy the scenery when you are watching you feet so as not to slip off the edges...but we made it back safe and sound ( I know you were worried). After a swim and a shower we had a grand display of desserts set out for Hans and Mary at the little park again. There was bumbleberry pie, a raspberry white chocolate bundt from Nothing Bundt Cakes, a carrot cake from Oscar's, and little old fashioned candies from when G&G got married. To top it off? Mexican bottled Cokes! Grandpa used to work there just after they were married. With 60's music playing in the background, we indulged. While we had desserts, G&G gave out little Ukrainian gifts. Grandpa went there to do mock trials with the law students. I got a painted wooden egg and a mastryoshka doll. Well, man doll. It was a man. Then, my favorite part. I made a little game to play and called it "Hans' and Mary's ABC's". I collected key words from all 4 of the sisters and basically created a memory board.  For example, A is for Arctic Circle, where Grandma worked in high school, G is for Garments (which, by the way, invoked a story that brought tears (from laughter) to my Grandparents' eyes), etc., etc. They absolutely LOVED it. We went through the whole alphabet and with each word brought a great memory. 45 years worth.

This is Bryton trying to stifle a laugh as my Grandpa 'combs' her hair...with a wooden comb from the Ukraine that basically rips your hair out. Woo!

Then, the next morning we loaded our bikes onto the tram and headed to the end of the canyon. We rode them all the way down, back to our hotel. It was amazingly beautiful, and I felt so happy to be alive. I am so blessed with a life I love. I feel gratitude.

Some more swimming, and some Oscar's and what a great day it was. I loved all of the little shops we visited and the time I got to spend with my family. It's been years since we were all together on a vacation.

We of course enjoyed our stay in Zion. Bumbleberry pie, swimming, red mountains, Frisbee, and family. I can't wait to do it again.

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Playing catsup.

I'm just going to start writing.

I'm not sure what I want to write about that has happened in the last month. I'm not really sure I remember much from last month! I have a terrible memory. I have to be reminded. I'm working on fixing that. My friend Lacey says that puzzles help your memory. I can mostly remember important dates like birthdays and holidays, but not very well. I panic that I have forgotten someone's birthday often. It's not good! I want to be better at remembering things.

Let's see...

At the beginning of the month, I was feeling strange that it has been a year since I graduated from SUU. Time goes by so quickly.

 I thought for sure that I would have a job that better utilized my degree. I have 3 jobs right now and only one of them can be remotely related to my degree; I love working at my recovery center and I still get to work with and help people that I care about. It's still health care related, but just a different kind of health. There is some physical, but 90% mental/emotional health. I see now how important this line of work is to the well-being of a person. For now, I am staying here. I love this job and I really feel that since I get to know the patients/clients here I feel a greater sense of gratitude and love for the ones I come into contact with. This job has changed my entire outlook and response to living. It's a path worth following and I intend to see where it takes me.

Then I had a dream that I was back in school again, and I was sad in the dream that I had finished.  Sometimes when  I dream things I see it in reality soon after. I've started keeping my dream journal again.

Our mothers' day with my mom was fun! I hadn't been to her new house yet, so Chase and I loaded up the dags and headed down. We got her old fashioned candies and chocolates from the local candy shop. She has always loved those and I thought it was a good gift! The candies have always reminded me of her.

Another strange event that passed was the year mark that Chase and I got engaged. That feels like a month ago. I would love to go back and relive that moment and that trip 100 times. In my dreams, I suppose.

This is the exact moment we were engaged. If you can make us out in the ocean right above, you can tell there are two people floating on a tiny boat, surrounded by turtles and sunset. Unforgettable.

*   *   *   *

For about a week I got extremely curious about Marilyn Monroe. I rented My Week With Marilyn, and Michelle Williams did such a beautiful job. I had never seen one of Marilyn's movies, and only knew her as an icon and in photographs. I watched several movies and documentaries. She was so sad at the end. I wonder what she was thinking in the last year of her life. I think she's just delicate.

And then! Oh what a wonderful thing the eclipse was. We had so much fun doing that. We got glasses from Chase's uncle and went on top of the OTC roof. We invited Lacey and her family since it was her birthday the same day. What a great birthday gift from the earth! I have never seen a solar eclipse, so it was a new experience for me. We ate popsicles and watched the ring come and go.  I made Lacey a Tres Leches cake and, not to toot my own horn or anything, but it was delicious! I want to make it again soon. It was a great day.

Next on the list is buying a mattress. Chase and I really wanted a nice one. I have had the same one for about 5 years and it was the cheapest one I could find.  We have been using that one to sleep on and I decided that it was time we treated ourselves to a good one! We are always getting headaches from terrible sleep! I have been wanting one since before we got married. We got our tax refund back and we decided that we could spend it on that. Let me just say that it might be one of the best things I have ever purchased. It's a big firm mattress with a latex pillowtop. And we got it for $300 less than full retail. I sleep so well on it. I never want to get out of it.

*   *   *  

Next time...

Let's talk about my trip to Zion.

Thursday, April 12, 2012


10 things I am excited for this summer:

1...I am extremely excited for my garden. I got a sunburn on Monday from working on it all afternoon! There is a website I discovered called that plans your whole garden for you. It tells you each and every step of the way what you need to do to make your garden the best. It even knows where you live. I cannot wait for the satisfaction of growing my very own food. We will have fresh eggs and garden delights daily! I sure hope that the largest apricot tree ever, AKA the one living in my backyard, gets apricots this year. I was so depressed last summer when I received none. Chase even gifted me a food dehydrator this past Christmas so I could make candies. I wish I wish!

2...The lake. Any lake will do. I live in the water in the summertimes and I can't wait to take our jet ski and the dogs and just go. The water is warm and the sun makes me snoozy.

3...Riding my bike. I love my blue bike, and even though it is hard to ride everywhere because Cedar City is the city of subtle hills, I can't wait. It's fun and exercise at the same time. I can ride it to work, because I live close to it, and I even bought a basket last summer for groceries. The basket detaches and goes in the store with me. It's quite freeing to not need a car.

4...Building a swing bed. I found it online and I am determined to do it. Look how amazing this looks.
Of course, not so elaborate. I think I will use a shipping palate and a thinner mattress. I will hang it from my giant apricot tree and take naps and read books and let the sun make me sleepy and warm. Sigh.

5...Making popsicles and ice cream and summer treats. We used to do this when I was a kid and I loved it. So much summertime.

6...Hiking in the local waterfalls. I have never done this, even though I have lived here for years now, and I so badly want to do it this summer. Nothing sounds nicer than a cool waterfall mist while I hike barefoot over sun-baked stones with warm sun on my face. That feels like free just thinking about it.

7...Roadtripping to Oregon with my family. We travel to a ranch in Oregon every year for the 4th of July. It is a huge farm that we can camp and play at. There is a lake and a zipline, and I get to spend a lot of time with my family and my husband, just doing nothing. It is a 14-hour drive but it is worth it! The food is amazing and the games even more so. And then we sit around the campfire and bullshit. I love stories.

8...Disneyland. This won't be until the end of the summer, and maybe even September, but I cannot wait. We have never been with TJ and Wendy and we want to go so badly. They love it as much as we do and so I know it will be amazing! Maybe for our anniversary. Joint anniversaries.

9...The smell of cut grass. Blossoming flowers. Lua chasing bugs in the lawn.

10...Our one and only newlywed summer. I want to make it memorable.

Monday, April 9, 2012


Chase had a birthday.

I love his birthday so much! I just want to do all of his favorite things. It was hard with the show still going on, but we pulled it off. I made him homemade Haven doughnuts for breakfast, since he has been obsessing over Lins' doughnuts lately...I got chocolate sauce and made whipped cream cheese to put on top. I made them in a cast iron skillet and it turned out so nice! He loved having homemade coffee and doughnuts for breakfast.

After that, I sent him shooting with TJ so I could get some more stuff done. I wanted to make him from-scratch, red velvet, ice cream cupcakes, and red velvet cake pops with purple chocolate for the shell. It took a while but it worked out! Instead of red coloring though I used green, since that is his favorite color.

The ice cream cupcakes were so easy! I just only filled half of the cupcake liner, baked them, then put softened ice cream inside once they were cooled and refroze them! So easy. And not a $35 ice cream cake.

He wanted to go to Sweet Basil (local Thai restaurant) for dinner. I had to run an errand before hand so that I could get his (drum roll) trampoline! That's right, I bought my now-29-year-old husband a trampoline for his birthday. And a Great Wave t-shirt to boot. He loved it. TJ and Wendy got him a 10-seat poker table and Natalie got him some balloons. He loved those too!

After the Vagina Monologues were over, we went over to Penrod's to have the treats I made. He had a good look on his face when I gave them to him, so I think he liked them too. I was so happy that he was happy on his birthday. I love him so much, and it still amazes me that after such a long time, I can still get butterflies. I always thought that those only happened at the beginning, like with other boys I had dated. But Chase isn't like other boys.

Next year is a big birthday!

Let's make a thing out of it, yeah?


I love vaginas.

Well, let me just say that I love and support women. I got to experience The Vagina Monologues from a completely different perspective this year than I have in years past. The first time I attended Chase took me. I know, sounds strange, right? But he is a vagina warrior in every sense of the word. I attended each year after. This is my 5th year of vagina empowerment.

They changed my life! I came to love my woman self and my own vagina by listening to these accounts of other women that a woman named Eve Ensler interviewed.

If you ever have a chance to see them, then please do. It is one of the things I look forward to every year. I promise that they are not over-feministic and anti-men. They are just facts.

Wendy directed them, and we got to perform them this past weekend for 3 nights in a row. I loved every minute of it. I have never been in a play before! I have never acted. I enjoyed it!
There are many that are different, but I got to do one called "What if I Told You I Didn't Have a Vagina?"
It is a beautiful poem written for the women in the DR of the Congo. They are being systematically raped every day over MINERALS. Can you believe it? We have damn good lives here in the US. The stories are horrific. I won't repeat them here.

The Vagina Monologues are close to my heart. It's a cause I can get behind. I got to experience love and hatred and longing and fullness all within one and a half hours. It is, sincerely, life-altering.

To understand, read about the women, and even support this cause, please go to

It will truly change your life. Watch the monologues!


What a wonderful life.

Yet again, I need to write more. I have so many things on my mind! I should write more often so that I don't have so many things I need to spill out of my mouthbrain.

Chase and I went to LA. It was as fun as going to a big city is when you are a small-town-lover.  Which is not very much. But I do love to roadtrip with Chase. We talk a lot. It's nice.  We bought delicious hand made doughnuts at Randy's Doughnuts when Chase accidentally drove all the way to Inglewood. ! Oops. Turns out that Tupac wasn't 100% right about that town.

We visited friends, Tilt and Tiffany Mills, and got to see some great improv at iO West.  I saw Angela Kinsey (Angela from The Office) do live improv! What?! Famous by proximity. And a once in a lifetime opportunity/moment. I also got to talk to James Grace, who is amazing as well. Not a  celebrity, except in the improv world. He remembered Chase.

What I got from our trip to LA was that I want to do more music. I don't care if it is at a coffee shop or just in my library at home. I love to make it, and sing it, and cover songs that I love. And create. I want to create. Music is my only way. That and photography. But I feel that my photo identity is lost in this digital world where every other person I know has a photography "business". And then I just seem hipster when I tell people that I started photography around the age of 15. I did it before it was cool, man. How annoying am I?

I can't paint or draw or sculpt or construct. I guess anything is art. Eye of the beholder, right?

While I was in LA, on April Fools' Day, my Great Grandmother turned 90. NINETY. She still gets on the floor and plays with the grandkids. It's unbelievable. I want that.

We drove to Vegas from LA and went to dinner the night before we were to return home. We went to Bahama Breeze, which is a restaurant that my family and I used to go to when we would go school shopping. I like it because it's off of the strip, so you get a good experience. It's a Jamaican restaurant and I love it! We had such a good time. There was a funny and strange waiter next to us, and Chase and I couldn't help but laugh. We liked him, his enthusiasm, and his tiny, red, braided pony tail. What a cool guy.  After dinner, we wanted some delicious dessert. We went to Serendipity 3 and ordered the Strawberry Fields Forever. It's the best strawberry ice cream ever, with the best piece of cheesecake ever, with real whipped cream and strawberries on top. It's the best ever. EVER. Get it next time you go.

I do have photos of all of these things, but I never post them. One day, I will just post them all and then you guys will read it and laugh, and say "I remember her telling me about that! Oh, memories."

I want to say a sad thought that I had. We were walking through Ceasars Palace to get to Serendipity 3 and Chase wanted to stop and watch the roulette tables briefly. While he did, I couldn't help but watch the dancers they have in cages in the middle of the casino. I just remember their faces. So devoid of emotion. Just doing a job. I did not like it. I hope that they are choosing to do that, and not just doing it for money. There is lots of money, and it's not worth that. The saddest part was when the dancer stepped out of the cage, away from the pole, and onto a tiny stage. She wiggled around briefly, and then, so nonchalantly, did a triple coupe pirouette. She is a real, trained, professional dancer. It made me ache FOR her. I hope she likes her job.

Chase and I were SO happy to be back in our little home, in our own podunk town, with our dogs, our roommate, and our chickens. It was a relief to breathe country air. I never thought I would say that.

I love adventure, but LA is simply just not.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Ok, I'm bad at this.


What to write about...what has happened in the last 3 weeks since I have written? I'm sure so much.

Let's talk about Natalie moving to town.

I have such a good froomend (friend and roommate). I'm so happy that she lives with me! It has been so fun. We went to a lovely concert together; one that I wouldn't have gone to if it wasn't for her. Old Californio.

It was chaotic for her at first, because we didn't have her house intact. We tried, but failed. The washer needed to be rerouted and drained in the proper way. Chase got to a point where we couldn't DIY it anymore, so we had to call our plumber. Wouldn't you know it, he was out of town for 4 days! We had no laundry facilities. And Natalie, no sink.

But! Here is the best part. After the plumber came and re-routed the drain system, Natalie's sink needed to be hooked back up. I was so determined to do it all on my own. I went to the HD (Home Depot) and talked with the plumber Tim for a little while. He was so helpful! We think the cashier even had a little crush on him.

I can DIY it down, around, and all the way to China Town, but I have never learned about plumbing or electrical. One down! I did it. I got under the sink, and hooked up the new pipes. From the garbage disposal to the p-trap and back to the drain for the sink. It only took a couple of hours too. I felt so much pride. Natalie called it persistance! She made me feel good. I told her that the feeling of accomplishment that I get when I finish something new like that is worth it. We were pretty frustrated when trying to put the disposal back on, but then we decided together that the sense of accomplishment far overrides the frustration.

Something else happened during this plumbing endeavor. I had to scurry back to home depot for one piece of pipe I had forgotten (a connector called a nipple, I guess) I was so dirty from sitting on the concrete and underneath the grimy old pipes. I threw up my hair, put on my glasses, and ran out the door. Chase had just gotten home from snowboarding and was helping his friend Anthony change his oil. I don't remember what he was saying, but he stopped mid-sentence after I gave him a quick kiss, just to tell me I looked pretty. It felt so sincere! He tells me all of the time, but after a while, you get used to it, you know? I shouldn't. He is always being sincere. He isn't telling me just to tell me. He made that apparent, yet again. It made me so giddy.

On Friday night, Lacey and I took the clients at my work to Off the Cuff. They had so much fun! I was so stoked to share something with them that I love. It made me happy that they loved it too. They want to take their kids! Then, the next night they have interaction (game night, for all intents and purposes) and we played improv games. They had a blasty-blast and we laughed so hard.

I'm glad I have the talents that I do, even if so small.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012


I feel proud of myself today.

This morning, after I went to Bella and took photos of a screaming baby ( not that she was screaming in the photos, but just that I was awesome enough to capture the NOT screaming part ) and the mother complimented me and loved them so much, I went for a run.

I felt so good today! I ran TWO miles without stopping. I haven't done that since high school. I even pumped my fists when I finished, even though there wasn't even one other person on the track.

I feel good about running the 5K next Saturday. I know I can do it.

With all of the evil in the world, I hope God knows how happy and grateful I am for the life he has given me. I want Him to feel it. I know he does. He knows.

I want to help the people in the world. I need to go back to the Dominican Republic. Or maybe a new country this time. I need to help.

Today, I am proud of myself for accomplishing a goal.
I am proud of myself for building a life that I love. I couldn't ask for any more luck, or blessings, or sheer joy than I have been given. I am in love with life.

I wake up every day to a person that I love; someone I never tire of, after 4 1/2 years.

I accomplished work today. I helped the clients with thier recovery assignments. I read a story to them for relaxation that gives me cold chills (The Giving Tree, in case you haven't read it). I got to share some of myself with them. And I can only hope that it will better their lives. I try to give the best advice that I can.

If there was a light inside of me, it would be warm and radiating. It would be glowing red, and people would be blinded by my happiness light. Blinded yet drawn.

That is how I feel. I believe it to be true, pure joy.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Tuesday, February 7, 2012


I've made commitments that I am excited about! The one that I am the most excited about right now is singing more. I love it so much. Watching other people with beautiful voices sing on stage brings me to tears. I feel so much all at once! It makes me happy and jealous and I feel like I will burst. I'm going to do it more. Whether it be at open mic night or just with Chase and I. I love to do it.

Chase and I have decided to train for a 5K again. It's on March 17th, and this time we paid the entrance fee and everything! So there is no backing out this time. I very much despise running, so therefore I am making it a challenge for myself. We tried to do this last summer, but we petered out around the middle part. Well, we're not the type who waste money. So we're doing it! I'm keeping up well with the training. And Chase is so fast! He can run about a 7 min mile. So we won't actually be able to run together. But we both want to accomplish it. It's good for the heart.

I am loving reading more, also. Right now I am reading The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime. It's very interesting. It's written from a first-person view of a mentally challenged boy. I love the style. I haven't been able to read fiction since I have been in school. It's so lovely and refreshing. I want to always be reading. I am still learning, as long as I am reading. It's like exercise for my brain.

I am committed to yoga. I have been doing this 3 times a week, and I am so proud of myself! I usually do it now before I go running. It's a good warm-up and it keeps me flexible, like when I was a dancer. Every time I do it, I get to put a dollar in my workout jar. I am saving up for some really cute shoes that I want. Maybe by the time I have saved up I will want an even greater reward. We shall see.

I am committed to eating in more, and to being a healthy person. Not to lose weight, but just to be healthy for being healthy's sake. If I trim up in the process, then so be it.

I made a New Years' Resolution for all of these things! The last one is that I made a commitment to dress up more. I like wearing high heels. Just because I live in Cedar City does not mean that I can't wear them around.

I'm really happy to say that I have kept up with all of these! With some waivering, I have done a better-than-average job at keeping my New Years' resolutions than I have done in the past.

I'm proud of myself.

Monday, January 30, 2012


This is my handsome husband.

Sunday, January 29, 2012


Today I feel like talking about work.

I'm not sure what qualifies as work at my job. Sometimes I feel useless, just waiting to do something or making sure the clients know what they need to do. But since there is a certain unwritten rule about no-helping but yes-helping a client, I find it really difficult to draw that line.

I think I perform at my best when someone tells me exactly what to do. But that's what animals can do. Just take commands and then follow through with them until they get a reward. Right?

This job is a challenge. Growing up, I didn't make a lot of my own decisions. The classes I took at school, the dance lessons, school projects, (not that I didn't love any of those things) and then, when I mentioned that I liked human anatomy my junior year, it was determined that I would go to med school. Let's trudge into that later.

I don't recall being passionate about any of these decisions. I just remember thinking, "I need to do what I have to in order to get where I need to be." Where was that? I don't know. Successful, I suppose. This causes me to question what successful means.

Today, I feel successful. In a few different ways.

  • I've found success in love. Which is something that I think a majority of people spend their entire lives doing. We don't have things and we aren't wealthy, but I am so completely taken with him every single day. My life is him. I am so happy with what I do have; our dogs. Intelligence. True joy! And luck. Or blessings. Chase doesn't have a brain tumor. His surgery didn't cripple or impair him in any way. Most days, we forget this. But we try to live in the moment, and be happy that we are so blessed and lucky. Chase has been reminding me with his new favorite phrase:

"We have such a great life, honey. I'm so happy."

I don't know anyone else who appreciates life as much as he does.

  • I've found success in a job that I love, for the time being. I get to help and watch people, which is something that I have found that I need in my life. It's not just random people, like in a doctor's office, it's people that I get to know. I work at an addict recovery program ( I have also decided that I feel dirty when I say drug addict, because it sounds degrading and the people are so wonderful, they just have a disease) and I get to see the women come in, very downtrodden, and ofttimes leave much happier, ready to get their lives back on track. It is one of the most rewarding jobs I have ever had.

  • I've also discovered that I am proud of myself for completing my degree. It is one that could get me a job anywhere in the country, and that I can apply to life daily. Success.

  • Chase and I have enough money to get us to wherever we want to go. That is something I want to do in life. Be a traveler. I fully intend to do so. We go on a lot of vacations during the year! And we always come out of it on top. Success.

I might live in this tiny house all of my life, working jobs that I love but don't get paid much for.

If I get to do it with someone I love, traveling the world and always coming back to our little old house in Cedar City, Utah. Back to our dogs, and jobs, and mediocre life, then I would spend 100 life times doing it. There is plenty of money to be made. I don't intend on trading it for memories.