Tuesday, August 28, 2012



My loyalty has paid off. Literally!

I have been working for Bella by myself on and off since we started in April 2011.  We have been through 4 photographers in less than a year, and since the end of January of this year I have been the sole photographer for them at Valley View Medical.  The entire time, I have been hoping that, seeing my dedication, they would give me a promotion. And huzzah! It finally happened.

They have made me Area Coordinator for Southern Utah.

You guys. I get my own business cards! Which is, of course, one of the top highlights of the promotion. I've never had my own business cards.

Now, the feeling that I have is strange.

I feel as though I am wasting my education. I know that no knowledge is wasted knowledge, but according to every-educator/family-member-I've-ever-met,  my college degree is supposed to make me much more money than if I only had gotten a high school education.

Remember this?

Well, it isn't panning out for me that way.

Granted, I could move. I could move to a bigger city and probably find a job I would use my degree in. 9-5. Probably desk job-ey. But I'm almost positive I would hate that. No. I am. Positive. 

Right now, I get to work a few days a week at the HH. Just today, I felt like I made a difference in one woman's life. She made a difference in mine. I felt good.

I like doing this for now. It is a good job, and I'm proud to have the position I do. I have worked for it!

I love my life. I need to remember that. I really do love it. It's perfect. Besides my projects and my house and all that outside bullshit, I really do have a perfect life. I love my husband, and my dogs, and my roommate, and my friends, and my parents, and my siblings, and most people in general. 

This is a good step.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012



I kept wandering around my grandma/aunt cidy's house, but it didn't look like their houses. I had had a baby 2 months ago but Chase was taking care of him alone. I got in a fight with Chase about spraying too much Lysol in our baby's room. 

The baby had thick dark hair like Chase and he had a brain surgery scar from when he was born. I started crying because he was asking for his mom and he meant Shauna. I breast fed him and a lady told me it was his last time. 

Sarah Fieldstad was there and I asked her which baby was mine. She said 'beebee' and I was jealous of the time she was spending with her family and not projects. The chickens laid 2 mini eggs and 2 regular eggs upstairs. Chase and I weren't very excited about the baby.

Early Morning.

I need to wake up earlier. Always.

Some things I want to remember.

Lately, we’ve been working on our patio, and I just want to get it done! I’m tired of it being half. And the stones are heavy. And I don’t know if I am laying it correctly. And peaches are falling everywhere.

But oh, the peaches.

These are the best peaches you have ever had in your life. I guess you may not have had them, but if you were ever going to taste them, you would be glad. They are like candy, these! And with some sweet cream(er, because it’s non-dairy), they are irresistible. I’ve been giving them away because I cannot keep them all to myself. They are white peaches, and they are my favorite things I have ever tasted. And nature made them. And that’s strange.  And awesome.

I’m having a lot of fragmented thoughts today.

Speaking of nature…

Since eating like a veganarian (a new word we have come up with for my eating style, if I must) I have lost a total of 8 pounds. I am scared to put it out in the universe that I have lost weight, but I have. And it feels really good. And so do I! All of the time. And only when I eat something yucky for my body do I then feel yucky afterwards.  My body is trying to tell me something and I’m getting better at listening!

The weekend of my birthday there was the Perseid meteor shower. I wanted to watch it so badly! There were supposed to be over 100 meteors an hour on the night of the 12th. The Twelfth Night. But guess what? Stupid monsoon season in Cedar covered it up. There were too many clouds. We couldn’t see it.


But you know who wasn’t disappointing? Dad. He came through town and bought us lunch for my birthday. Cute and fun. We went to Winger’s and Scnoodle-poo-pumpkin served us. It was nice. I had ice cream pie-for-free birthday!

Monday, August 20, 2012


It was my birthday on the 11th.

All in all, I decided that the whole day was about celebrating life. Even if celebrating it in very different ways.  Yes, my birthday was on Saturday, but that was also the day of friend and co-worker Tia's husband Tyler's funeral. 

I knew this was coming, so I prepared myself as best as I could. I woke up in the morning in good spirits. Off the Cuff had sang their birthday song to me the night before (that was my first time with that!) and a few friends and family wished it to me around midnight. As OTC was ending, our friends Andrew and Nina came to find everyone. It was their date night, and so they wanted to stay out as late as they could. We were just "shooting the poop" as Husband likes to call it. They invited us to go and eat, but we decided that since Denny's is the only place in Cedar open past 10 we didn't feel like ralphing the next day. Instead, we went to A&N's house. We talked and talked. I wish I could explain the kind of person Andrew is. And the person his wife is for knowing how to be married to Andrew. The following are stories that Andrew told us from about 1-4 am on my birthday:

  • He willingly drank IPECAC to find out what happens.
  • He and Sean sprayed each other in the face with mace.
  • He got hit by a car going ~ 30 mph
  • He wakes up his child and wife because he scream-vomits. More than average.

There were many-a-more. But those are most memorable. 

I like Andrew's stories.

The next morning, I woke up before Chase. I told him I wanted pancakes and he was so on it. I mean, on it. He made them from scratch! We used the apricot butter and jams I made and I had a delicious birthday breakfast.

Then Lacey came to pick me up.

I was dressed in my most modest but respectable clothes. We drove to the funeral together.  I haven't ever been to one of those kind of funerals. The kind that are devastating. The kind of a not-yet-middle-aged man; a wife and 3 children trying to welcome friends and family to the event.  The saddest kind.

We arrived, and waited in line to see Tia. My assumption (and hope) was that she had cried all of her tears. That maybe being surrounded by familiarity would give her the smallest bit of warmth in her chest, if even for an hour.  Unfortunately, I was wrong.  She was sobbing. So hard. Seeing her friends and family just made her more passionate. To me, she was overwhelmed. With sadness. With love. With support. What a confusing, enveloping, and crippling emotion that must be.  I wanted to help so badly. Still want. But there is nothing, less taking food over and asking how she is.

It was a catholic mass. I was so lost and so interested at the same time. I was as respectful as I knew how to be, and the only thing time I connected was when the entire room lit up with sounds of "How Great Thou Art."  It is my favorite worship song, and I am so glad they sang it at a funeral. It was absolutely beautiful and appropriate. I hope she felt my sadness and love for her as I sang. It was with my whole being. I wanted to radiate the energy directly at their family, for that is my worst fear. I wouldn't be me without my husband, and I wish I could heal the forever void she will now feel.

I know, one day she will feel okay. She will be forever changed, but she will be okay. She is one of the strongest women I have ever met. I admire every stitch of her. I just think of her and hope.

Of course, I didn't mention my birthday. Lacey and Chelsea and maybe Bethany knew.  It was such a strange feeling to have.

I didn't say goodbye to Tia. She was surrounded by love, and I didn't want to bother her. I just went home and told my husband how much he is me. And that I love him. I wish I had a different word than love. He is my best friend. I'm always thinking of him. He should know that.

Speaking of best friends.

I was sad that nothing was really happening after I got home. I wanted to do something! By this time, it was 4pm, and the day was coming to an end.  I whined that I wanted a pretzel. I wanted a soft pretzel and I wanted to go to the store. I grabbed my purse as Chase tried to stall me. "Let's go!" I said. Just as we walked out the door my Grandpa Bob and Grandma Nancy pulled up.  Oh good! I thought. They are here to see me on my birthday!

Next came my mom.

Uh-oh? I thought. Two visitors at once?  I guess I will be a good hostess!

TJ and Wendy? When did you get here? With chipsanddips! And presents.

Turns out, Chase was a sneaky party planner. He had soft pretzels in the freezer, a watermelon, and sody-pops. My mom had made me a pear pie with gruyere cheese crust (I demanded it after I saw it on Pushing Daisies), and an oh-so-famous apple pie.

I was happy then.

We bs'ed and then did gifts. Everyone was so thoughtful! Weejay gave me a veganarian cookbook with REAL recipes and REAL food in them. I loved it so much. (and some cute nail polishes too!) Mom brought me those pies and some money in a card. The cards were very sweet this year. I felt like everyone chose them so that they would fit me well. I should take photos of them. They really were lovely.  G&G gave me money too! I've since spent it on some cute wedges. I believe in spending birthday money on wants and not needs. Life is better that way.

Then came husband.

He wrapped me a big box. It was heavier than I thought! I opened the first box to find another wrapped box. Oh I see, a trickster. I'll see what's inside this one...

Another box!

This one definitely has something in it.

And that something is what I am typing on now.

I am so spoiled. Spoiled and loved and spoiled.

All in all, I love my family and friends. I had such a good time. Sore cheeks and good food and good stories. That's what life is, right?

What a day of life. One celebration of life in two different ways.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

(belated) whimsical wednesday.

(Disclaimer: these are typed exactly as they are written in my half-snoozy state.)

6/13 - hour long nap
I went to my training at HHW and it was this half finished house. I went in and Gene Simmons and (black Santana?) we're playing together later that night. The House was huge. There were a lot off people there that I thought were clients but they were people knew. Gradnpa bob was there drinking out of a big garorade thing with a bud light sticker on. Kevin C and Diana Rire almost hit me with a car while I was sitting in the curb. They had painted the house so it looked like there was a big performance area stage then actually it was small. Gene Simmons would do an acoustic set later. They were warming up and I ran to get my phone, then ran to get a hat (symbol) for black santana and missed a photo op. I ran passed two teenager boys sitting on the curb and heard them say I was small and they could take me. I had no makeup on and was embarrassed to seen people from high school. We took our extreme stadium seats and living ads started. They would light up a wall to my right and do living people commercials. There was one for orbit, then a green and orange one with Will Ferrell wearing a giant Afro under the spotlight. Then I woke up.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Wednesdays are Whimsical.

So, I believe that I have the strangest dreams. 

It truly fascinates me when my worlds blend together, because sometimes I can't tell if something has happened in a dream or in my lucid life. Granted, I am not inside anyone else's head, but I sometimes have dreams about things/events that would not happen in lucid life. Sometimes I dream things and then I see an omen the next day. I started keeping a dream journal and I think I want to share it with the blahging world. They really are interesting stories, if nothing else. My brain is crazy. I'll start from when I started keeping a journal. I haven't been very good recently, but I think if I know that I am going to officially stamp an official blogging world credit onto it, I will be better at keeping it. Often, I write these dreams down right after I wake up, so I am going to type them exactly as they are written, run-on sentences and all. The interpretation will precede a photo of the handwritten dream (when I hand wrote them). Bear with me.

January 21, 2012: a 15 minute nap.

I worked at some sort Of rental place next to some cubicles, and I was talking to Tilt. He said he liked my house and that the theme song should be 'this' and handed me his iPad with a giant play button. I pushed it and vintage music that I liked started coming out of a little cartoon photography. I turned down the volume just as some guy asked me how to work a computer program. I referred him to my neighbor cubicle (eddy, gaby's husband, I think). Eric came over and started asking to try my coffee. It was Kona coffee and really good but I reminded him he doesn't like coffee. Then the dream phone rang and I woke up.

One more, for now.
January  25, 2012

Chase splashed buckets of forest green on the outside of the house, and it fully changed colors, and I hated it.  

Carini? *
*All I remember next in that dream is preparing to travel to a place called Carini. I knew how to spell it and I thought it was a made up word. I googled it the next day. It is a beautiful little town about the size of Cedar City on the coast of the Province of Palermo, Sicily, Italy. Extremely specific.  I've never heard of it before. It translates in English to: nice, lovable, pretty, dinky, cute, decent, sweet.  

An omen?

Monday, August 6, 2012

I'm all for the weekend.

We had an awesome Off the Cuff weekend again. It was a double feature! On Saturday night, it was a benefit to raise money for Camp Kesem, a cancer society for children with various types of cancer. We raised $93! I hope it helps someone.

Then, on Sunday, Chase and I had a good day to ourselves. We woke up late, which I have a love/hate relationship with. I like doing it, but I also like having a whole day to do what I want. I made homemade honey-cinnamon oatmeal and cut us up some good fruit for brunch.  I like being a vegan. I always feel good after I eat. I feel satiated and healthy. And I have lots of energy throughout the rest of the day. Some days I eat cheese, and then I feel sick and remember that I shouldn't eat it. It helps me remember.  

After that, we laid around for a while, and then decided we wanted our carport clean, so we did that. I like lazy Sunday. On Sunday afternoons we've been going to an improv workshop put on by OTC. I am learning how to do improv! It's been fun. It makes me nervous, but it's fun enough that I am willing to trade embarrassment for learning. 

We play this game sometimes called Witness Protection Program. It's so long to explain but I'll try to summarize! It's sort of like fugitive, murder in the dark, and sardines all rolled into one. It's the best night game I've ever played! Our friend Melissa Singleton invented it, and you can check out the full website here, and purchase it too! I promise you'll love it. If you don't, I'll put your foot in my mouth. I'll explain one round...

Everyone pulls a card. I was the witness, so I get 2 minutes to go and hide. We use really large areas like the Randall Jones theater grounds, so it makes it harder. I ran, my heart pumping, to the opposite side where no one could see me. I looked around and found an old work truck and tried the door. Success! The door was unlocked. I crawled in and laid down on the floor of the truck. "I'm so not in a good spot," I thought to myself, "You shouldn't have worn a salmon-colored shirt to hide in the dark."  I just sat there, for a good 3 minutes, before someone walked past the door of the truck. They didn't see me. Phew!  I only needed 2 good guys to hide with me to win.  If I got killed by the murderer or one of their accomplices, we would lose! I stayed super quiet. NO ONE saw me. I thought I was in plain sight. Since the rounds are only 10 minutes long, I figure that at least 8 minutes have passed. So, I peek over the dashboard. Clear. I quietly open the door of the truck, and start to sneak away. My plan is to go out into the open and find 2 innocents to gather with me. But oh! Christian comes walking around the corner. I hide behind the truck, and make sure to stay opposite him. As soon as I get to the front of the truck, I take off! I ran as fast as I could to the other side of the theater. I know he has seen me, but I can't hear him chasing me, so I keep running faster. I push through a patch of trees into a group of people. They come running at me. "Whitney Whitney! We're police officers!"

We win. 

Really, you should try it. Really. 

After the game, we got a good night's sleep again. It was wonderful. We woke up, and after I spent the morning at Bella, finished cleaning up the carport again. I did some chores, played with the dogs, and got a little sleepy.

I decided to take a nap. I don't nap, so this was a deal. I laid down on the couch, in our dark theater room, and began to close my eyes. I started something I call lucid dreaming. I know I am still awake, but I start seeing things in my brain that don't make sense. Today it was my miniature-sized dad in a hula skirt, doing a dance. Sometimes it's marshmallow people. But always, I know I am half-awake. Then, such a loud crash of thunder! I didn't even know it was raining. My dogs hate the sound, so both of them scurried in and laid down at the foot of the couch. I comforted them as I drifted off to sleep and woke up around 5, listened to the rain, fell back asleep and woke up again an hour later. I love the sense of euphoria after a nap. I went outside and the sun was shining through a dark sky. I can't wait to feel that feeling again. Snoozy and euphoric and happy.

I love living. I love living my life.  

Friday, August 3, 2012

I might cry.

 Tiny at Grandpa's cabin.

Tiny baby brother on Christmas morning.

Tiny everyone on Christmas at Grandma's.

Tiny on Easter!

I wish we were this tiny again.


During the first weekend in July, Chase and I traveled to Oregon. Most of my family was already there, we just brought my brother and his friend Jeremy along with us. My dad works for the owner of NuSkin. She is very well off and owns about 3,000 acres in Promise, OR.  I don't think you can find it on a map, and if you can, you have to put in the GPS coordinates.  Anyway, we go there for the 4th of July celebration each year, and have a lot of fun! Some days it is extremely competitive and you kind of just have to deal with it, but we have fun each time. This year there was paintball, and I took 2nd in the shotgun shooting competition! The girl that beat me had never shot a gun before and, truthfully, that made me mad, but I won $50 anyway. I shot the most birds so at least I have that, right? Also, on the night of the talent show, Chase, Carson, and I did 2 improv scenes and they were a huge hit! Everyone loved them, and Sandie herself told us how much she loved it. That made me happy. It's really good to spend time with family and get away for a while.

Then, on the 14th of July we went to the Jamboree! It happens in Cedar every year. I always look forward to it because they line up classic cars all the way down main street! They have treats and coupons and fun. It was a lot of fun. We handed out coupons for OTC too! A lot of people have used them so far, and that makes us happy.

The whole month we have been mostly working on the yard, building fences and painting and cleaning up the carport. I just want it to be done already! I want to enjoy it. Almost there....

Also. Natalie got a puppy. His name is Beam.


On the 24th we had an OTC party at the space. It was so fun! You can watch the annual Australian Ninja Golf Tournament we had here... It's really funny. I promise.

Chase and I almost took it! But the Painrods were better. At least we won Peanuts tissues!

My daddy came through and had breakfast with Chase and I the other day. We didn't talk about anything important. But it was definitely a highlight for me. I love my daduh. He got really excited about playing at Pebble Beach in August. He might win a trip to South Africa! I hope that he does. It will be the highlight of his amateur career. It would top Pebble Beach, which is the winner right now.

He never lets me take photos of him! This is a good capture of his life. Happy in Hawaii.

On to August!

Wednesday, August 1, 2012


I'm going to stop apologizing every time I leave a huge gap in between posts because I think it will always be so.  So, I am unsorry. This is me!

I have had a pretty good summer so far. I can't believe its August! I want to do so many more things before it gets chilly out. I better get moving! We're almost done with the yard, which means we can enjoy the yard, instead of work on it. I'll like that. The patio is going to be the worst part. I'm not sure how I'm going to do it yet...

Chase went to LA during the first week in June with Off the Cuff. They played in the LA Improv Festival. It was a big deal! Some of the biggest names in Improv know OTC personally. They were honored to go and had a great time. I was so lonely without him! We decided that it was better for me to stay home, so Chase and I were apart for the first time in a very long time! We always go on vacation together, and so this was a new experience for me. I missed and appreciated him terribly.

I love my dad on Father's Day. He likes to make the day about family instead of about him. It was so good to see and spend time with him. I love my daddio.

Then, mid-June, I decided that I wanted a lawn in my backyard. Well, of course this turned into a much larger and much more expensive project than I had originally intended, as always.  My grandpa came up and helped us put in a sprinkler system, which was totally worth it, and after we finally got the lawn in after raking and shoveling and leveling and excavating, it looks amazing. I'm so happy with it. I love my house more and more each time I do another project. It will never be totally finished, it seems, but maybe someday. (Photos to follow).

Another rather large decision in my life is the one I made to become vegan. I read a book called The China Study, and then one called Eating Animals. I decided that it was something that I believed in and was much better for my health than any other diet. I know that most people think this is extreme. For me, I compare it to reading the bible. You can read it, understand it, and take it or leave it. It is just something I believe. And really, what are the cons? It makes me eat extremely healthy things, and I have not missed meat at all. Now, dairy is a different story. I have missed dairy. But, in adjusting to this lifestyle I have been deciding what I am okay with eating and what is not okay. I know other vegans would not say this is vegan, but it's my type of vegan. So if you want to call it something else then you can. I just say vegan, because it is the easiest explanation. My ways of 'cheating' are: 1) eating only my own pet chickens' eggs, and 2) eating goat cheese made by someone that I know personally (I only found out he made cheeses after I had known him for a period). I know his goats are free-roaming and well taken care of, and I know they are grass-fed and loved. I buy his cheese on Wednesday's at the farmer's market. It's delicious!

I guess you could say vegetarian if you wanted. But which way is easier? Saying vegan, or saying vegetarian and then refusing dairy and then explaining why? No one knows that I only eat my own eggs and cheese at my house, so I think vegan is easier. As long as I keep those things at < 5% of my diet, I believe it is okay. For both health and humane reasons.

I have found that people become extremely defensive when you tell them what you're eating. I don't go out of my way to do so, but it comes up sometimes. And people think you're judging them, I think.

I'm not judging you. Just try not to judge me back.

In any case, I feel amazing. I've lost over 5 lbs without trying very hard. My body has changed so much. I never feel bloated or sick. I haven't had heartburn in 6 weeks. That is so unusual for me! I always get heartburn. And I haven't had an upset stomach or headaches (well, if I wear my nerd teeth {or night guard, as it were} I don't get headaches; I grind my teeth at night) the whole time. It seems like it has been much longer than 6 weeks. I did eat ice cream once, and I got a bad belly ache. Chase reminds me of this each time I want his salted caramel ice cream instead of my soy or coconut milk ice cream. I miss it, but it's worth it to me to stay away. He is a good husband.

We'll see what happens when I go to Disneyland in Sept. and I am faced with a cream cheese pretzel; one of my most favorite things in the world. Maybe I'll be vegetarian for a day. Cheater.

Happy June!